Start Choosing Happiness

We all want to be happy, but we don’t ask ourselves what happiness means to us. I’m not a happiness expert, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the topic. Hope you find it useful.

Happiness is a subjective experience. It is intrinsic, coming from within, not from outside. What we all should realize and admit is that SUCCESS ≠ HAPPINESS, especially the kind of “success” we see on social media. In fact, it’s the other way around: success doesn’t make you happy, but happier people usually become successful.

Photo by Cristian Escobar on Unsplash

Additionally, we shouldn’t see happiness as binary: either you feel it or you don’t. Probably no one can say they are happy all the time. Goal isn’t to achieve a permanent state of “happy” but rather to grow a sense of “happierness”: being around loved ones, taking care of our health, contributing to a healthy society, helping people in need — these are all examples of things that make us happier. Just make sure it comes from within and is not forced.

We should also focus on what’s in our control, not the results, regardless of the outcome. Adler (one of the three giants of psychology) said, “All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.” It might sound strange at first, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. Think of getting anxious about giving a presentation? You feel anxious because of your relationship with the audience and their perception of you. In this case, you can do your best, but you can’t control what others think of you. Just separate your tasks.

Sometimes we blame others for our own unhappiness. It seems easier that way, no guilt, no action needed. But again, no matter the past, focusing on what’s in our control and doing our own tasks gives us hope and leads to better outcomes.

We don’t know how much time we’ve got. Don’t delay becoming happier. We are living in the moment — not in the past, not in the future, but now. So, do something to feel better now: invest in a relationship, take that little trip you’ve been planning for a while, join a gym, wear your nice clothes you’ve been saving for later, treat everyone as a friend, be genuine, and don’t lose hope in the future.